The first two months were amazing, and he made me feel everything I wanted from a man. We took road trips, I supported his music, we did photo shoots, took pictures together holding hands. He made me feel like I was the star.
The 5th of April 2018, the day before my birthday, he woke me up at 6am after I worked all night wanting me to, "confess", to him. I had no clue what he was talking about. Since I had nothing to confess, the beating began. This man beat me for 2 hours straight. I had blood coming from everywhere. He had no mercy and punched me in the head, face, ribs, back and sides. He choked me and threw me everywhere. He told me, "go clean up and come back to me! I'm not finished with you!".
When I went to the bathroom, God showed me the opportunity to get out and run for my life. He put me in the hospital. If I didn't escape that morning, I would not be sharing this story right now.
I became isolated to home, work and him. My family and friends never knew why I became silent.
He choked me and assaulted me several different times in the last month of being together. He threw me against the wall and to the ground. He would tear up the place before I got home and make me clean it because I was late coming home from work. He accused me of cheating, controlled my phone and told me if the neighbors heard me, he would kill me. I had to go to work and try to cover it up with makeup and my hair, but it didn’t work. I was so devastated, embarrassed, humiliated and hurt that my co-workers could tell right away. He never worked and I took care of all the bills. I lost everything because of what he did to me. He was draining me mentally and financially.
I read these stories and I realize how lucky I really am that I escaped and how dumb I was to go back afterward putting my life in danger and believing he had changed. He went to court on 04/09/2019 and even after I wrote a letter to the judge with my testimony, he only got 3 years of probation with a no-contact order and DV classes. Nothing compared to what he put me through.
However, I came across an Instagram page by Zoe Pearson, the founder and coach for, "Self-Love After Abuse". She's the one that started teaching me about the Trauma Bond and how it's important not to have contact with your abuser. I am also part of the Facebook group for, "Self-Love After Abuse", where I met one of the amazing coaches, Seth, who has helped me understand what a narcissist is and what I was to this person.
Now I have a clear understanding of the differences between a mental abuser, physical abuser, narcissist, sociopath etc. The more you learn the differences, educate yourself and find a group you trust, you can talk about it because you will see we're not alone. The better understanding you have, the stronger you become and then you can start self-healing and be at peace because you realize it was nothing that you've done.
I was just a supplier but now I am strong, happy, spending time with my family and a grandma of 10. I refuse to let this bring me down because it's about me now not my abuser. So fight and fight hard because we deserve it. Learning to love yourself is the most important thing you can ever do. No one can ever give you the love that you give to yourself. Thank you for reading my story. I hope this helps others get the courage to speak up and to know there is a rainbow at the end of the storm.
By, Cynthia Salazar